Calling all dog owners!

I went to Tesco today to get these. They are nappy bags. This ‘bag’ of nappy bags cost 35p for three hundred. each bag cost 0.1167p each. Now I think that is good VFM. I bought 3 x 300 for £1.05p. These will last me for a year. I will have no excuse for not picking up after my dog. Every dog owner needs to stop by Tesco and get a quid's worth of nappy doggie doo bags. If you cant afford a quid once a year to pick up after your dog then how do you afford a dog?
Now I sure as hell am fed up with picking up after your dog where I live. I don’t want to have to clean up the floors of my boat  with chemical cleaners that will damage the environment.
The law says you have to pick it up and remove it. No chucking it in the hedgerows or tossing it in trees. Don’t talk to me about ‘fertiliser’ the hedge rows grew quite happily with out your dog s--- for some considerable time. Just place it in the bin provided or take it home. If you cant manage that then be wary because if I see you I will take a picture and send it to the dog warden.
Your part in this is to reach deep into your pocket and pay the £1000 fine, but of course you have money to throw around so that wont affect you.

The last thing you want is for me to follow you home and do a dump on your door step and you can bet I will because you wont be the first.

Thrupp Lift Bridge. . . .

. . . . taken in the evening as the sun is going down just skittering across the fields.

Facebook Follies

Sometimes when I get a ‘bee in my bonnet’ I cant help myself. Such as the time when Gav Phillips on Facebook said to someone "not sayin i dont like it...i just dont like single minded people that stereotype"….

It begged me to ask the question, “Are you not stereotyping single minded people?”

I thought this was a fair question but Gav didn’t. He said  “You are an arse....your prolli one of those that moans about everything but does it himself,and when you have nothing to moan about you try to look clever makin stupid remarks that you think are clever...lady karma will knock your door one day.

Well he could have a point but in my case but I don’t think so! Apart from poor grammar and spelling I think he was really talking about himself.

“Just asking a question! Obviously hit a nerve,” says I.

Well that really must have got under his skin because his next comment was way of base. He said, “Far from it...ur exactly whats wrong on the canal, a toff...sooner the likes of u bugger off the rest of us full time dwellers will live in peace.”

He’ll be a ‘continuous avoider’ then. Well I had to laugh. Me, a toff, what a giggle! My return post was as follows, “There you go again stereotyping people. I was born in a council house 62 years ago and my mother still lives there. I served 25years 239 days in the Royal Air Force as part of the military forces of the UK that stood on the line to allow the likes of you the freedom to come on here and be WRONG!

And if that doesnt strike a chord with you I have been living on my boat full time since it was built over 6 years ago. Can one assume that when you are in charge of the world, boaters will have to ask you if they can come and live on your canal.

PS If you cant write English please don’t bother to reply.”

I am a bit miffed because he blocked me before I could see his next post which fortunately someone else copied a part of. Gav said "….got yer names,got pics of yer faces and / or boats.....have fun while travelin ill keep an eye out for you…..”

Well if you are going to threaten someone you could at least have the good manners to do it in proper English and ffs learn to spell. I am quite looking forward to meeting Gav on my travels (wherever he may be). I hope I don’t have to introduce him to my friend Mr H.S. Hebble.

Guinness

The Jolly Boatman is now under new management. In the time that I have been “Guinness drinker in residence” at the Jolly I have been served many pints of the black stuff. Mostly they have been well filled glasses. On the odd occasion the new staff made a minor error they were quickly retrained to produce beautiful pints like this. Wonderful!

Many thanks to the out going Andy Cannon for the ‘Maffi’ button on the till. Hope to see you around the cut sometime.

 

nb Lady Ester

When I was on the Ashby canal nearly two years ago I received a visit from Dave & Angie Culley. Angie you may remember makes socks for mooring pins out of Sainsbury’s bags. Being bright orange they contrast very well with the grass and are easily visible. She brought two pairs of socks, one for me and one for Bones. A very kind gesture.

Recently nb Lady Ester arrived on the mooring point. Now I knew I knew this boat but could not remember where or why. Well it took a long time for the penny to drop. Angie reminded me while she was operating the lift bridge. This is quite odd really because their card has been in my peripheral vision since I was on the Ashby. No wonder the name was familiar.

Any way here is a picture of Angie, at Thrupp, doing something she never does, petting a dog. Apparently her family cant believe it!

Of course Molly is an old hand at this sitting still and being fussed stuff, she took it all in her stride.

Oh dear!

When this stupid gorilla stood on the edge of the bridge as it started to raise he put in excess of 2000 foot lbs of pressure on the hydraulic system. He didn’t think it was a problem, but then again I don’t think he is in any position to decide right from wrong coz he’s a twat!!!
Had he been injured while he was pissing about he would probably have complained that there were no signs saying he couldn’t and the clever people at CRT would have wasted even more money making safe a system that we didn’t need in the first place.

Edward Snowden

I am amazed! Well its not like it isn’t a regular occurrence is it? Who is Edward Snowden? Do you really know?

Edward on a salary of $200.000 a year, nice home , nice girl friend gave it all up for you!

Edward is a ‘Whistleblower’ (oh how I hate that word it sounds like he did something wrong), He worked as an analyst on the US governments PRISM program. What do you mean you have never heard of PRISM?

It is a program which has been reading and recording our emails, Skype messages, Facebook posts and phone calls for years.

Edward lost everything because he told the world that the US government were doing underhand things with your privacy.

Here in the UK, the mother of parliament, our authorities have written to all major airlines. So how is that connected with Edward? The content of the missive is to tell them that if they should bring Edward to the UK they will face a £2,000 fine. Apparently our leaders say Edward is not welcome in the UK.
Well I for one do not find it odd that our bunch robbing lying bastards, aka the government, don’t want to let an honest man into the country. Let’s be honest his presence could show them up for the crooks they are.

An ‘official’ said such alerts are issued to carriers that fly into the UK and any carrier that brings Snowden will be liable to be fined £2,000. He said Snowden would likely have been deemed by the Home Office to be detrimental to the "public good."

But of course Honesty would really destroy our society! What a bunch of hypocrites!

The official spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorised to discuss the matter publicly. Oh really! So no balls then.

Well, movement!

This is DRAKE, renamed TAUNTON. Its a big old wooden hulled sinker. It has been here for a number of years licenced but unpaid mooring. In that time it has had 3 owners to my knowledge. It is, to all intents and purposes, a shell. BW/CRT seem to have ignored its presence much like they ignore many other boats around here that take the piss. In fact just under the bridge in the background is a boat that has had a ‘poorly’ engine for some eight months. Although this hasn’t stopped him from getting his 20 litres of diesel every week or so.

Well anyway yesterday CRT managed to get their finger out and actually put a ticket on DRAKE/TAUNTON. So maybe it will go soon.

A What?

I am in a bit of a quandary over the possibility of what I may become if I ever return oop norf again and continue litter picking. This Tweet appeared today and had me foxed for a bit. WTF is an Canal Angle?

CRTManPenVolunteer‏@CRTManPenVolun3 Jun

@CRTManPennine are holding a towpath tidy day at Red Bull on Wed 12 June. Please join us! and become a #CanalAngle

Crap-o-gram

This has to be the way forward in the dog shit war!

http://boingboing.net/2013/06/09/town-delivers-sidewalk-dog-poo.html

Sent to me by Skippy

That bridge again

This is what I asked for:-

This is what we were given:-

Cheap jackshit solutions to a pressing problem.

No one will ever see this sign!

A meeting is to take place

A boaters meeting is to be held on the 12th June, 2013. Doors open from 6pm, start time 7pm, at the Masonic Centre, rear of 263 Queensway, Bletchley (Fenny Stratford end), MK2 2BZ.
Topics to be discussed include ‘Bone fide’ navigation and visitor moorings. There will also be the opportunity to discuss other current issues affecting boaters.

I find it incredulous that little groups of boaters are getting together to discuss the meaning of terms when there are perfectly good sources in almost every home.

Definition of BONA FIDE :

made in good faith without fraud or deceit.

In layman's terms what that means is, if you sign to say that you are going to be a continuous cruiser knowing that you will be staying in one area hopping from bridge then you are a deceitful fraud.

When groups start discussing the meaning of words and phrases that are clearly defined then their only purpose in doing so would be to try to change the rules that they don’t like.

The word continuous can be attached to other words to define three distinct groups of boater.

Continuous Cruiser
Travels the canals of England and Wales, often all 2000 miles of it. He/she doesn’t need to ask what ‘bona fide’ means because he can read.

Continuous Moorer
Would like to travel the canals of England and Wales (or so he says), but hasn’t learned how to untie his ropes. Doesn’t ask what bona fide means because if he does he will have to learn to untie his ropes.

Continuous Avoider
Moves just far enough to ‘avoid’ getting a ticket and then comes back again. Wants to redefine the meaning of bona fide because they are pissed off moving every 14 days.

You might like to question my interpretation of these terms but the term ‘bona fide’ is in the dictionary or you can google it, no need for a meeting.

If you need more information email

continuouscruisersMK@gmail.com

Richard Parry

Apparently Richard Parry, before he joins the Canal & River Trust, will be hiring a boat for a weekend and will also help to work a boat up the Wolverhampton 21 giving him the chance to see some of the waterways for himself. Well done sir!

I am a bit confused about  ‘some of the waterways’, if he does 20 miles that is just 1%. (he wont want to do more or he wont see anything) I wonder why he doesn’t hire a boat for a week or more. He will probably be able claim it on expenses as pre-employment training so it wont cost him anything.

The good thing is he will be doing the Wolverhampton 21 with John Sloane. John being a very down to earth character will probably be able tell him more about the waterways than the rest of CRT bosses know put together.

Fire at the Jolly

At 4 pm on Wednesday afternoon fire broke out at the Jolly Boatman public house just north of Kidlington on the Banbury Road. The fire was spotted by the crew of narrowboat SANBEC who had just moored up for the night. Dianne Kavanagh, seated on the rear deck, spotted smoke coming from behind the fence at the back of the patio. She called to her husband Brendon and by the time he had put his shoes on to come outside the fence was properly ablaze. Brendon, who works for the Canal and River Trust, sprang into action with one of the fire extinguishers from his boat and doused the flames. By the time the fire crews arrived the drama had been contained.

Dianne & Brendon KAVANAGH
relaxing after putting the fire out.

The fire may have been caused by sparks from an incinerator which was in use at the time. The senior fire officer present advised the staff not to burn waste paper and cardboard in the yard. Damage was limited to a small corner of the patio fence and roof by the prompt action of the Kavanaghs who were rewarded with an evening meal.

The owner Andy Cannon was not available on site for comment.

Oh doo doo!

For some time now I have been having trouble with my services. My TECMA macerator keeps getting the pipe blocked. To cure this I attach my p/o pump to the feed to the tank and  pump the blockage out. Today whilst trying to perform this trick, without the aid of a safety bucket, as the macerator whirred and I pumped the handle the pipe came off and the bedroom was sprayed with doo doo. I love boating!

Canalival

I would like to say a big thank you to all the revellers who turned up for the Canalival last weekend in London.

You have demonstrated that you are not worthy to be called humans. If ever there was a case for fencing the canal off from the likes of you this was it.

Alcohol and water does not mix unless it is in a glass. You have displayed to the nation that many of you are unfit to live in the city and should be deported to a rock in the middle of the ocean.

Destroying public property!
Damaging boats.
Defecating in public places!
Littering!
Being a general arse!
Breathing!

Our canal system is 200 years old and revered by hundreds of thousands as a national monument you treated it like you treat your shitty little back garden.

The scum floating on the canal is more socially acceptable than you people. Now get out there and clean up the mess you made. Skankey bastards!!! Don't come back until you have learned to behave.

Well maybe ….

On the front page of the Sunday Times they led with the ‘questions for cash” scandal

The Mail on Sunday had the story on Page 7, at the bottom of the page! So what was so important that it knocked the QfC story off the front page. The MoS lead was about a secret love affair. They reported that ‘the PM was stunned’ and that the ‘Downing Street Agenda will be dead in the water’.

What struck me was that I had to wait until the second paragraph to find out that they were not going to tell  me who it was. The story was so secret that they could not disclose who the participating shaggers were and that the affair was now ‘concluded’ anyway. Had they  put that in the first paragraph I wouldn’t have bothered reading any further.

What a waste a of a front page for such a non story. Makes one wonder what they are hiding. What juicy piece of propaganda was slipped in under the cover of this so called “Exclusive”.

Nick Cleg: a question.

Ok so three members of the House of Lords are being accused of dirty doings in the new ‘cash for questions’ scandal.

Deputy PM Nick Cleg in a Telegraph article this morning is saying the government are going to get on top of this and pass legislation to control it.

Nick Clegg is paid by the taxpayer to do such things (pass legislation), indeed he said three years ago that the government would be doing this , but since then they have sat on their hands and done bugger all!

Now I don’t know what a Deputy PM gets for an article in the Telegraph, but I think it’s a bit more than the £50 quid I get for my articles when I am lucky enough to get published.

My question is how is Nick Clegg taking money from the press for telling everyone that they are finally going to do that which they promised to do three years ago any different from three lords taking money and promising to do something in the future. Apart from the time reference Nick Clegg is no different to their Lordships, a money grabbing little shit.

We used to have a saying for people like him when I was a lad “Bent as a nine bob note”. I personally don’t think he is any better than those three lords. Were he not holding the protection of the post of the DPM he would have his arse well and truly kicked for dealings such as these. But of course we know both the PM and the DPM can do no wrong!!!

Is it any wonder we live in a society where any one who can get something for nothing does so in the firm belief that ‘if its all right for them its alright for us’ and damn the consequences.

Adsense

On Saturday 18 May I wrote that Adsense wanted me to agree to their new Terms and Conditions by the 23 or I would be blocked from using Adsense. Well the deadline came and indeed I am blocked from using my Adsense. However, you may or may not be surprised to hear Adsense have not stopped putting ads on my page. It seems that just because I haven’t agreed to their Ts&Cs that is no reason why they still should not continue to make money from my blog.

HOW!

Sometimes you just have to wonder how it is possible.
I cannot believe this was done without the application of heat, lots of it!

Huh!

I received an email titled ‘A message from Amber’.

It started  ‘Hi my name is Michele’

This is not a language problem this is a ‘stupid’ problem!!!

Safety

Down in Wiltshire the Fire Service is to walk along the K&A giving away free smoke alarms. HOLD IT! we have the BSC why aren’t Smoke Alarms on that already. What about Gas Alarms and CO Alarms. Of all the crap that has been added to the test recently no one thought to add alarms?

I though it funny at the time of my last BSC that the smoke alarm that was “open and battery free” following an earlier bacon sandwich which always sets off the alarm, was passed with barely a second glance and nothing said whatsoever by the engineer. Now I know why!

I am annoyed that some of the things that they check are not as important as alarms and certainly not as correctable. The vents in my doors were not up to spec. I was definitely not going to get the holes cut bigger and have bigger vents fitted. The boat has an RCD. If the RCD cannot fulfil its task of having boats built up to a standard then what is the point? And if the BSC is at odds with the RCD then again what is the point?

Maybe the BSC people need to have a chat with the RCD people and come to a common agreement so that a boat built to the RCD standard complies with the BSC. Why this hasn’t happened yet I don’t know, but it would make life easier all round if this was the case. Rocket Science it isn't!!!

Welcome to the UK where . . . .

Excellence is punished.

Failure and Mediocrity is rewarded.

And dependency is to be revered.

When people rob banks they go to prison.

When they rob the taxpayer they get re-elected.

. . . . . Enjoy your stay.